You’re Not Deep like Writers

the moon on his window pane
won't let him sleep

she says she wonders 
how he can be a writer
considering
he rarely sees her perspective
their debates are never ending
cuz he gets carried away
like children do
she says he has a good heart though
an innocent one
like a child's
and she believes
she can read him like a book
he's not deep like writers
are supposed to be

even he wonders
how he can be a writer
how his mind sometimes
leaps across boundaries
and his thoughts begin to fly
how sometimes
two unrelated thoughts
combine
an idea
a spark
but he just doesn't know why

maybe because
he's not so goodheartedly dense
maybe because
his heart is broken
in pieces
shameful secrets
regrets
empty
grey
and maybe just maybe
only writing
keeps the spark alive
But he guesses
he just doesn't know

Trouble with Perfectionists

The trouble with a perfectionist:
he thinks about starting his work
All day and night 
he thinks about his work
He writes a first draft
then second then third
then first again.
And later
he's never satisfied with his works.
He thinks there are always better words 
and sentences just around the corner.

All day and night he plans out the details
The trouble with a perfectionist 
he needs every word right
every answer correct
every line straight
he wants to catch
every mistake.

I am crazy about those 
bits of poems in 
highway graffitis
I like their primitive style 
and lack of a proper meter
it adds to their memorability.

I think it hurts you 
when you spend too much time thinking
I think you being too afraid to be called a fool 
is stopping you from starting.

That's the trouble with perfectionists
They think about their work
Instead of getting up and just doing it.

Here I’m also sharing a quote which I wrote 3 years ago, it probably is the first quote I ever wrote and I don’t even know if it holds true or not.

I have procrastinated my studies a lot, I used to postpone my work till the end of semester and study very hard the night before exam. The result was average marks and I used to fool myself by thinking that if I could score average just by starting my studies a week before finals then that means I could probably ace them if I started studying, say, a month before instead of a week, but I never did that though, I got by just fine with average. In my mind I was a perfectionist and not procrastinator, mind you, so what if I could just prepare 50 – 60 perc of my syllabus, the part that I did prepare was Fully Prepared, I didn’t leave out anything and IF I had just a Little more time I’d have prepared the whole syllabus, just like that. That’s how I fooled myself.

Now I know my mistakes, I’ve fooled myself so many times by neglecting the same mistakes that it’s ridiculous, really. I like the thrill of deadlines, like it and hate it at the same time, the pressure helps me keep my mind focused on the task at hand. SO now I create deadlines for myself, I paste them on the walls of my room and although in the starting it was tough to fool myself into studying for a change, it has become easier over the months and I think it’ll get even more easy as I continue doing it.

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© dixitmrityunjay, 2020. September heart-to-hearts.

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