Widow cries salty tears on her pillow as rain falls in the ghost town. She hears the cawing of the crows, caw-caw, the reminder of his doom. The lonely room echoes with melancholic sounds-- weeping, raining and crows calling at night. Sorrowfully--she thinks of his handsome face but neither sleep nor any respite comes.
The form loosely resembles Chinese LUSHI style:
- eight lines long of couplets – The first couplet should set-up the poem; the middle two couplets develop the theme, the final couple is conclusion
- each line must have the same number of words, either 5,6, or 7.
- a mono-rhyme is on every even numbered line
- Caesura (a pause) should separate clauses.
Inspired by Crows Calling at Night by Li bai:
Yellow clouds beside the walls; crows roosting near. Flying back, they caw, caw; calling in the boughs. In the loom she weaves brocade, the Qin river girl. Made of emerald yarn like mist, the window hides her words. She stops the shuttle, sorrowful, and thinks of the distant man. She stays alone in the lonely room, her tears just like the rain.
© MRITYUNJAY DIXIT, 2021. — ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Very well done – both the stylized Lushi form and the reimagining of the original
“weeping, raining and crows calling at night.” – this line says so much and is the core(caw? 😉 of the whole poem
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Many thanks🙂
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I love the lilt and the rhythm of this piece Jay.
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Thanks a lot, Ingrid.
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You’ve captured the essence of the original.
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Thank you, Ken. (^_^)
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I read through this a few times and appreciated more each time. Nicely done, Jay.
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Many thanks, Lisa.🙂
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You’re very welcome, Jay.
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Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:
AH—WRITTEN WITH FEELING AND RESTRAINT. NOW, ARE THE TWO SEPARATED STANZAS TAKEN TOGETHER, OR AS TWO SEPARATE CHINESE LUDHI-?
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Many thanks😁🙏
They’re taken together as a single poem.
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I APPRECIATE YOUR EFFORT!
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You have captured the essence of the original most magnificently!! 🙂
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Thank you! 🙂
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but neither sleep nor any respite comes.
What a wonderful lines. Beautiful.
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Thank you very much, Krishna. 🙂
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Most welcome.
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I love the mood within that piece of art, it’s beautifully written. Love, Sovely
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Thank you very much, Sovely.♥️
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You’re very welcome. I hope you are well. All the best from here. Yours, Sovely
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Nicely done Jay💖❣️
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Thank you, Cindy❤
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You’re welcome Jay ❣️
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